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| AHYMSIN newsletter, Issue - January 2012 | ||||||||||||||
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40 Days Silence at SRSGby Dave DowningNamaste! Swami Veda suggested that I share my experiences with a 40 day silence retreat that I completed in October to November 2011 at Swami Rama Sadhaka Grama. To begin with, what my teachers have told me in the past finally became a truth for me during this silence retreat – the map is not the territory. The experiences each of us have during a silence retreat are unique, molded by our personalities and our histories. Therefore, dear reader, take what you find interesting and relevant to you from this account and leave the rest. I had never formally undertaken a silence retreat of any length, although as a teenager in 1973 I was stationed at a remote fire lookout tower in northern Canada for three months. My only human contacts were a once-monthly grocery and mail delivery and twice-daily weather reports submitted by radio. I was inadequately prepared for that kind of isolation and had some uncomfortable psychological experiences with no knowledge of relaxation or meditative techniques that could have been helpful for moving through them. Recalling that experience, I concluded that it’s a good idea when undertaking a long silence retreat like 40 or 90 days to do some advance preparation and research. For me, it took until 2011 when as an initiate in the Tradition and a student of Swami Veda, Maya Margo Balog, Pandit Hari Shankar Dabral and Swami Ritavan, I felt that I had both the inner resources I needed to undertake a long silence program and the interest in obtaining a better understanding of the five pillars of sadhana (silence, celibacy, fasting, stillness, and conquest of sleep). I had heard that 40 day retreats sometimes produced unpredictable mental and physical results and an account written by a previous participant gave me second thoughts about my decision. But, in 2008 Swami Veda had recommended that I undertake this practice and I had faith that he saw some character trait in me that I could not sense. On October 8, 2011, I knelt before Swami Rama’s image in the Meditation Hall, asked for the Tradition’s blessing, and surrendered the fruits of my practice. Before I left for India, Pandit Dabral gave me a program outline to follow that recognized my previous lack of experience with formal silence retreats. I also reviewed the written advice Swami Veda gave to 40-day participants in a 2006 retreat at the Ashram, and integrated both programs to develop my own daily schedule of prayer, meditation, relaxation practices, japa, yoga asanas, contemplative walking and vigorous exercise, and meals. For the 2006 40-day silence participants, silent repetition of the mantra a pre-determined number of times (japa) while making fire offerings at a havan (precisely constructed fire pit) was an integral part of their retreat. I was shown a way to do this internally in a meditation, and it became a ceremony around which the rest of my day was centered. I chose to take meals in the Ashram dining hall instead of taking them back to my cottage because I wanted to practice being silent in the midst of a crowd. What were my experiences and what did I learn? At the physical level, joints and glands exercises, yoga asanas, pranayama and brisk contemplative walking and jogging together with a very healthy Ashram diet resulted in a greater degree of flexibility, strength and endurance than I had enjoyed for two decades. I lost about ten percent of my body weight and at this writing I have maintained this routine and my new weight. That’s one type of “enlightenment”. I became more sensitive to internal energy flows and to the active and passive senses. Swami Veda’s statement that talking takes a lot of energy is valid in my experience – what I needed to eat on a daily basis was perhaps two-thirds of what I was consuming before the silence retreat, and I was more conscious of flavors, scents, and textures and of how my body was using that energy source. At the mental level, the retreat was a chance to apply abhyasa (practice) and vairagya (dispassion) in a more disciplined manner than I could manage in day-to-day life. I learned something about the connection between the dense physical body and the subtle energy body, and how the practice with awareness of joints and glands exercises is integrated with subtle energy practices like the 61 point relaxation. Long daily practices of Swami Rama’s detailed methods of relaxation and yoga nidra (Path of Fire and Light volume II) led to states of relaxation where I clearly sensed the physical body as a very dense core and vaguely sensed the presence of a halo of some kind surrounding it for some distance. Contemplation of the eleven maxims in Chapter 6 of Swami Veda’s treatise (Philosophy of Hatha Yoga) helped me to understand that this vague sensation was the beginning of awareness of the energy field that produced and animated the physical body. My meditation practice improved to the point so that for a few minutes, I could maintain a single-pointed focus on the breath and the mantra. And, I perhaps made a tiny step forward in terms of separating fantasy from reality in my day-to-day life. “Progress” requires patience. At the spiritual level, I came to the retreat convinced of a Divine influence in my life and a gratitude that I had been led to this place at this time by the sum total of all experiences both “good” and “bad” that I had ever had. As subtle as they were, sensations of the energy field suggested to me that all of my actions, every breath I take, are part of the infinite Consciousness that flows through me and you and all of Creation, moving and unmoving as the beautiful Akhanda-Mandalakaram mantra tells us. “I” learned that “I” really don’t need to surrender any of the fruits of my actions because they were never “mine” to begin with, but humility commands me to reflect upon that daily. Did I have any uncomfortable experiences? I did experience the state of boredom with the routine I had established and the attitude that nothing much was coming of my practices. I felt quite ill for a couple of days during which I couldn’t stand the taste or smell of food and during which my digestion was abnormally slow. I discovered that I have an attachment to body image – perhaps there’s a problem when a 57 year old looks in the mirror expecting a 30 year old to look back. And I uncovered a characteristic that is pretty common among humans – a tendency to judge others without any basis for the judgment (except that a negative judgment of others reflects something in myself I don’t much like). What did I find helpful as preparation to undertake this practice? Firstly, my exposure to yoga and meditation as taught by the teachers of the Himalayan tradition was the most significant influence. But I also belong to a 12 step group. Some of the steps, like taking a fearless and searching moral inventory, dealing with resentments and ego-based issues, apologizing for my misdeeds, and through prayer and meditation asking for guidance from a Higher Power are very good preparation. Had I not dealt with emotional issues through yoga and 12 step practices prior to the silence retreat, they would surely have found me then, and I would not have been able to progress in the same way toward a better understanding of the subtle energies that are the gateway to Consciousness. Secondly, I believe it’s important to be aware of one’s physical condition prior to undertaking a silence retreat. Little health challenges came up that I couldn’t freely discuss without (in my opinion) breaking silence – it was up to me to decide whether they were significant or not, and to deal with them appropriately. I was advised to take a 12 day treatment at the Himalayan Institute’s Ayurvedic Centre at Dehradun prior to the retreat; the staff there take very good care of their patients and ensured that I was ready in body and in mind for my experience. Finally, it’s very important to choose the right place for such a retreat where participants can feel safe and supported during their program. The peaceful Swami Rama Sadhaka Grama Ashram was ideal for me. When I arrived, I was warmly welcomed by the Mandala office staff people who showed me to a clean, comfortable cottage. I met my on-site mentor who asked me about my practices, shared his experiences with me, gave me a comprehensive package of Swami Veda’s writings on silence retreats, and offered his help at any time during my program. The Ashram is infused by the spiritual energy of Swami Rama, Swami Veda and the entire lineage of the Himalayan Tradition. The staff, teachers and Gurukulam students who live there are devoted to excellence in all that they do and to supporting the visitors who come to the Ashram to study or just to relax. The meals provided in the dining hall were nutritionally complete and of excellent quality. Classes in various aspects of Yoga and meditation are offered daily. I am grateful that the circumstances of my life led me to this place for the silence retreat and I am thankful to all who helped made it possible. Having emerged from the womb, now what? The map is not the territory… unlike other participants who have written of deep insights into the nature of Reality from their silence retreats, I’m still pretty much the same person outwardly that I was before I left Canada – I still enjoy sense indulgences (like drinking coffee, eating chocolate, listening to rock music once in a while). But perhaps I am somewhat less attached to them than I was, perhaps my practice is a bit more disciplined, perhaps I wait for a millisecond more before replying to something I don’t like. Would I do it again? Yes, I think so, but for now it’s important to allow the fruits of this experience to ripen and to share what I have learned with others in whatever way is appropriate.Editor’s NoteDave Downing is the centre leader of East West Yoga Society (an AHYMSIN affiliate) in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.
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