The Thief in the House

Recently, I received a disturbing message from a man I know — someone whose personality is chronically enraged, and who makes threats.

When, not long after reading his messages, I sat to meditate, I found my mind circling: Might he come and try to hurt me? What do I need to protect myself?

I watched those thoughts for a few minutes, and felt their effect on my body: my body was tense, my hands were cold, my breathing rate was increased.

So I decided this was a great opportunity for practice.

I brought my attention to my mantra, and almost immediately, it returned to those worries. Again, I returned my attention to the mantra, and this time, I also felt the smooth flow of my breath at my nostrils. Again, in a few moments, I was back in the worries, but this time, not as quickly.

This repeated a few more times.

Then I became aware of the feeling in my heart generated by the mantra. That felt good and more strongly attracted my attention. I found it easier to keep my mind stable there.

Over some time, I was able to keep my awareness on my mantra, breath and that warm feeling in my heart, and the worries slipped into the background of my awareness.

By the end of the meditation, the worries had lost their power and I felt calm.

In this way, we can use situations that upset us to strengthen our practice. It’s not necessarily pleasant. It takes some gentle effort. But here’s an important thought: these unpleasant situations are going to happen. Everyone faces difficult situations. We can simply suffer them, or we can use them for practice. If we use them for practice, at least we’re getting some benefit out of them. We’re turning lemons into lemonade.

The Mind Is Like a Dog

Just as dogs seem to be attracted to every smelly thing, difficulties attract the mind. Have you noticed how your mind goes in circles, keeps coming back to that unpleasant circumstance — replaying the situation where somebody said something upsetting, over and over?

I’m not saying you should never think about those things. But obsessing on it, living your whole day feeling terrible because the mind keeps coming back — is not helpful.

If you’d like to make something beneficial out of that circumstance, here is a plan:

Number one: Choose to use it as practice. Keep bringing your mind back to your point of focus — your meditation, your mantra, your breath, or your body. Don’t let your attention keep going off to the thing that is attracting it.

Number two: Sometime when you are not emotional, spend a little focused time thinking constructively — not worrying — about what to do. What actions can I take that will resolve this problem? Make a plan and stick to it as best you can. That’s all you can do.

Every time your mind goes back to the disturbance, drag it back. If you feel emotions as a result, feel them for a while. Really feel them. But you don’t have to feel them all day. Feel them for a few minutes, then let go and turn your attention somewhere else.

Yoga practice gives us the skill we need to direct our attention in this way. Use it. There will always be something to upset us. So, we can get a lot of practice.

What to Do When the Emotion Hits First

Sometimes we can’t get ahead of it. When that message arrived this morning, I couldn’t keep myself from being upset — it happened instantly. It was like somebody blew up a bomb inside of me. That’s the way it’s always been when I hear from him.

So then what do you do?

First: Don’t push it down. Don’t try to push the feelings away. Feel them. Breathe and really feel what you’re feeling inside. Surrender to the feelings.

Second: Use the feelings as objects of meditation. Just observe them. Watch how the thoughts keep circling — and notice how that repetitive thinking makes the emotions worse. Worrying is not going to help. You’ve probably worried about that difficult situation a million times over the years. There’s no point in more. Instead, keep bringing your attention back to your focus. In this way you grow strength of will.

Swami Veda said — and I believe it’s true — that when we meditate regularly, we become more able to observe our inner world clearly. When something happens outside of us, we can notice that there are certain moments when we may choose not to take the next emotional step. Not to take the bait. To feel the fear or the hurt, without reacting from it.

I have found it is possible to do that sometimes. Sometimes it all happens too fast and I’m not able to. Each step is something we can learn and grow from.

Swami Rama said to use every circumstance to help yourself on your path. Use it all as grist for the mill. When you find yourself saying, “This is so hard, this is so miserable” — try to wake up and say instead: “Maybe I can use this to help me grow as a meditator. How can I come back to center?”

Swami Hari, who was always joking, once pointed out that you can turn dog into God — it’s the same word, just reversed. The idea is to turn the dog mind into the God mind. The mind that runs compulsively after every disturbance — that same mind, steadied through practice, can become something else entirely.