Both Ways

When faced with a conflict of choices between two opposites, choose both; this way, you will become a bi-polar magnet or as the Hindi proverb says, you will end up with a laddoo in both hands. The truth is that there are no conflicting forces in the universe. All is complementary. Quantum physics also proves this: a force is both a photon particle and a light wave; an atomic particle is in two places at the same time.

I often trick my audience. In the middle of a lecture, I ask, ‘What is the time?’ Someone in the gathering tells me the time. I then prompt the same person to ask me what the time is. In answer, I ask, ‘Where?’

Right now, is it night or is it day? The answer is both. Here it is day, in America it is night, and vice versa.

A philosopher [or guru] is a planetary citizen. Such a person cannot be partial to one hemisphere, either of the earth or of the brain. That is how you have it both ways.

As a young seeker, I would go to my master with a question: “Maharajji, should I do such and such thing this way or that way?” He would look at me and reply in a deep voice coming straight from the heart, “Yes!” That was often his only answer.

I had to contemplate deeply and resolve the apparent contradictions by adopting a common path in which the positive elements of both choices would be included. That is how you have it both ways.

Yoga masters—genuine masters, not those declared as masters by PR companies—often present their disciples with contradictory choices in daily, practical life. The disciple has to develop the spiritual skill to resolve apparent contradictions, and reach a samadhana, a resolving or bringing together of apparent conflicting factors and parts, and arriving at a holistic reality.

May your questions not be answered; may they be resolved.

In other words,

Find the positive concealed in the negative.

Free the mind of the habit of being in conflict, by learning to resolve conflicts.

Decondition the mind of its conditioning, so that habit patterns are broken and free it from running in set grooves.

Develop fresh positive insights into relationships, communication and events as well as philosophical realities and truths.

Liberate the mind and consciousness of what Vedanta calls upadhis.

Between two opposites there is always a third option lurking—between the thesis and antithesis, you can find a synthesis.

New Book: Guru Disciple Relationship III: Guru Purnima Messages

ॐ गुरुर्ब्रह्मा गुरुर्विष्णुर्गुरुर्देवो महेश्वरः।
गुरुः साक्षात्परं ब्रह्म तस्मै श्रीगुरवे नमः॥

Om gurur brahmā gurur viṣṇur gurur devo maheśvaraḥ,
guruḥ sākṣāt paraṁ brahma tasmai śrī-gurave namaḥ.

To that beautiful and benevolent Guru who is Brahmā, the Creator, Viṣṇu, the Maintainer, and Śiva, the Great Lord through whom all things return to their origin. To that Guru who is the direct experience of Brahman, salutations.

Guru-Disciple-Reltionship-Vol-3On the most sacred day of the Guru Purnima (29 July 2026), we received the most beautiful and precious gift in the form of a legacy book that bears the names of both venerable Gurudeva H.H. Shri Swami Rama of the Himalayas and our beloved master Shri Swami Veda Bharati (Mahamandaleshwar). Guru Disciple Relationship Volume III: Guru Purnima Messages was released on this day by Swami Ritavan Bharati.

This book is one of a kind, not only since this is the first ever book that carries the names of both Swami Rama and Swami Veda, but also because it brings together all the messages that we received from Gurudeva Swami Rama and Swami Veda Bharati from 1980-2014.

Swami Veda once asked Swami Rama after Swamiji’s Gurudeva had left his body,

‘Swamiji, you used to say you are always with your Guru. Now the Guruji has left his body, the Grand Master. Are you still with him?’

Swami Rama said, ‘Even more so.’ He said, ‘Because the barrier of the body is gone.’

As the veil, the medium of form has dissolved, the Guru is more immediate and ever so present. This book reveals the secrets and mysteries of a relationship that is most near and dear in the life of a spiritual seeker. Filled with timeless wisdom, loving guidance, and boundless blessings, these words illuminate the true spirit of the sacred Guru Disciple relationship and is a loving invitation for us to experience the Guru within.

Swami Ritavan Bharati has said,

‘These messages from Swami Rama and Swami Veda reveal divine whispers that awaken within you an excitement, an exhilaration—’Today the Guru might come’ and helps you attune yourself to a sentiment of “Presence”. Swami Veda speaks beautifully of this “Presence”, ‘Let the whole day pass in longing and in belonging; longing is the cry to fulfil the urge to belong, and belonging is meditation.’ Wherever you are, walking, working, speaking, let that secret love inside you keep burning, because you do not know on which day of your life that the Guru will come to bless you. That blessing is a gift of grace that descend into you, thus, no longer as an individual walking, you become the whole universe walking. Let these divine whispers remind you of the only ambition worth nurturing—the ambition to know your pure, infinitely loving Self. That ambition alone is an offering of reverent faith, reverent love to the Guru Lineage.’


Editor’s Note:

If you would like to receive a physical copy of this book, you may write to the Bharati Bookstore at hyptbooks@gmail.com. This book is available in both soft and hard covers.

For Kindle edition, you may visit – Guru Disciple Relationship Volume III: Guru Purnima Messages

If you would like to see more books by Swami Veda Bharati, kindly visit – Amazon Author Page

Satsang in Bengaluru with Swami Ritavan

On a quiet Sunday morning in Bengaluru, an intimate gathering of spiritual seekers came together for special satsang with Swami Ritavan Bharati on a special visit in the city.

Satsang-in-Bengaluru-with-Swami-Ritavan

In the lush green courtyard at home of Namita Sinha; a long time initiate in the tradition about 25 sadhakas arrived with open hearts, ready to listen, reflect, and be inspired in the presence of Swami Ji.

The satsang began at 10:00 a.m. with Swami Ritavan Bharati, also accompanied by special guests from Singapore – Yoong Ji (mantra initiator in the tradition) and his wife Tuat Yien. Their presence added a sense of continuity and lineage to the morning’s reflections.

Swami Ritavan ji opened by illuminating the significance of the Guru–disciple relationship, drawing from the recently launched book Guru Disciple Relationship – Volume 3 of the series on this sacred bond. He spoke in the second-person approach common to Indian psychology to explain how the guru examines the disciple and, equally, how the disciple examines the guru. This mutual discernment, he emphasized, is not about judgment but about clarity, trust, and alignment on the path.

Swami Ji then spoke about doing dharma (duties) and the importance of paying off karmic debts in daily life. Whether in corporate offices or university settings, he noted, our duties become sadhana when performed with awareness and love. The spiritual path, he reminded, is not separate from our everyday responsibilities; it is woven into them.

Satsang-in-Bengaluru-with-Swami-RitavanFollowing Swami ji’s guidance, the satsang invited experiential wisdom from Jata Bhagat Mata ji, a long time sadhaka in the tradition and who was initiated by Gurudev Swami Rama served in his tradition for decades. She shared her experience of surrender before Gurudev—how that surrender brought her deep peace even after the loss of her husband. Her words carried the quiet authority of lived truth: that surrender is not weakness but the doorway to an unshakable inner refuge.

Yoong Ji shared his reflections about the push and pull of life; the tensions, contradictions, and turning points that shape us. He reflected on what it means to love, and how love transforms when duties are done lovingly for the guru. He recounted an anecdote from his younger days: once, while expecting Swami Rama ji’s presence, he grew short-tempered and upset. That day, he sat to meditate in that turmoil and the peace he encountered could not be substituted by anything else. Gurudev, he said, helped him realize that peace is most essential precisely in the midst of chaos.

Satsang-in-Bengaluru-with-Swami-Ritavan

After these heartfelt sharings, the group went into a natural silent meditation for deeper reflection and introspection. In that stillness, the morning’s teachings sank from the head to the heart.

The satsang concluded with the distribution of prasada by Namita to all the spiritual sadhakas present—a simple, loving ritual that marked the end of the gathering and the beginning of carrying the morning’s light into the week ahead.

In a city that moves quickly, this satsang offered a gentle reminder: that community, lineage, and shared sincerity can create a sanctuary anywhere even in a green courtyard in Bengaluru where the heart remembers its true home.


Editor’s Note:

Dr Kashish Pandey is an initiate within the Himalayan Tradition, and a Sports Psychologist and a Psychology professor by profession, based in Bengaluru, India.

Meditation is Washing the Mind

Meditation is the process of washing the mind. It is the way of removing the residue that clouds the clear mind sullied by the different kinds of impressions and reactions. These are all psychological handicaps. They are unconscious habit patterns of your mind that prevent clarity and understanding. They prevent you from rising above your conditioned mind.  A person who is on the path of self-discovery, and understanding, gradually, slowly, by constant self-observation, dis-identifies with his or her psychological conditioning. Meditation when going inside, quiets and cleans the mind, so that the Self will see its own reflection within the personality clearly. When it is not seen clearly, then it is bondage. When it is seen clearly, then it is freedom and liberation.

When you study the functions of your mind, you understand that manas creates doubts. The buddhi resolves them. The buddhi sorts out what manas feeds by way of perceptions & cognitions. And by sorting it out it uses its power of “viveka”, discrimination, judgement and decision-making. How does the buddhi function inwardly?  When it goes inwards, it draws from the huge reservoir of higher knowledge by way of revelation, inspiration, creativity and intuitive knowledge understanding.

In whatever way a particular events condition your mind, and causes whatever reaction from you, there is freedom of will. Freedom of mind is infused with a spiritual force. Atman is the abode of the freedom of will. That freedom of will is filtered into our mind’s functioning.

Another thing that happens along the path is that you learn to take your psychological experiences, memories and impressions and look at them. In one way, they seem difficult and challenging. Yet, through this infusion of a spiritual force, You realize one principle: since divinity is all-pervading, all weakness is a weakening of some strength. Thus, begin to discover a deeper source of satisfaction that arises from one’s own true nature (svabhava). This is a valuable insight and an ambition worth cultivating. Not only through still and silent meditation, but also through meditation in action. In your daily life, through awareness and self-observation you train your mind to strengthen certain natural urges within oneself. Some of these natural urges are:

To love,

To give,

To share,

To seek knowledge,

To forgive,

To be patient.

We have the freedom to act from the above-defined strengths of the mind, The sattva in us constantly strives to overcome the rajas and tamas. Let us re-discover this divine within that alone is our true nature.

The true Self, the real life force and the consciousness force.

Ko ‘ham, Who am I? So ‘ham, I am That.

Waves of Love: Swami Veda’s Mahasamadhi

akhaṇḍamaṇḍalākāraṃ vyāptaṃ yena carācaraṃ |

tatpadaṃ darśitaṃ yena tasmai śrīgurave namaḥ ||

 (Which) pervades the entire unbroken form of the circle (of creation), moving and unmoving. To that beautiful and benevolent Guru through whom that state was revealed (to me), salutations.

Stepping into the ashram is always a gift, lovingly created and nurtured by our beloved Masters, and on the special sacred occasions, like Swami Veda’s Mahasamadhi, we honour that gift with deep gratitude having received such a blessing.

Swami-Veda-Bharati-jis-12th-Mahasamadhi-Day

On the sacred occasion of the 12th Mahasamadhi Day of Swami Veda Bharatiji (11th Anniversary), Tuesday, the 14th July 2026, our spiritual home Swami Rama Sadhaka Grama was overwhelmed by a sentiment of pure silence (but also memories and tears), expressed through the loving presence of many students, devotees, initiates, and disciples coming from all over the world and gathered together at the feet of our beloved Swami Veda to honour and pay homage to His deep love and wisdom, with pure, open hearts.

Swami-Veda-Bharati-jis-12th-Mahasamadhi-Day

His beautiful ashram was in a bubble of special vibrations, created by all the ashram residents and initiates in the preceding 8 days through a purascharana of the akhandamandalakaram mantra, collectively offering japa of more than 1700 malas. Waves of deep love melting together in the same energy-field and becoming an unbroken stream of loving presence that permeated the entire ashram.

The Guru Disciple Relationship Retreat, taking place during those days, was a way to go more in depth with that sentiment of pure devotion and reverence to the Guru Force, the dispeller of ignorance that empowers us to discover the Guru within us.

Swami-Veda-Bharati-jis-12th-Mahasamadhi-Day

With humble and heartfelt sentiment, we went through a very subtle and profound process of transformation, feeling more and more of the universal and infinite Love that Swami Veda was sharing with us through His presence. It was a way to deepen our relationship with the Guru’s presence—a direct experience with that love and light from within, which arises from the true nature of our being. No words; just profound and subtle heart to heart connections in the cave of silence and lovingness. With serene minds and loving hearts, just feeling, day by day, His infinite divine force accompanying  us, and filling our hearts with pure divine love.

Swami-Veda-Bharati-jis-12th-Mahasamadhi-Day

In the morning, we had pujas and havana (fire offering) dedicated to our dearest Swamiji, lead by Swami Ritavan Bharati and priests. There was also a conclusion and purhahuti of the purascharana undertaken.

Swami Ritavan Bharati, Dr Prakash Keshaviah, Sadhana Mishra, and Namita Sinha paid their heartfelt tributes to Swamiji by reminding us how Swami Veda was an example of true unconditional, selfless love, and how He always encouraged us to change our habit patterns and become more loving persons.

 About 450 people joined the celebrations, along with 11 sadhus and 100 Sanskrit students.

Swami-Veda-Bharati-jis-12th-Mahasamadhi-Day

The event concluded in the Dining Hall with a grand bhandara offered first to sadhus and brahmanas and then shared as prasada for us all. Along with the bhandara at SRSG, 250 sadhus at Niranjani Akhara and more than 2100 people at Triveni Ghat in Rishikesh received the bhandara on the sacred occasion  of Mahamandaleshwar Shri Swami Veda Bharati ji’s Mahasamadhi.

May this ocean’s waves of love (that we are), continue to melt together in the same energy-field and become One single stream of pure lovingness, without any break and with true and sincere humility and simplicity, under the shawl of the Lineage and the Guidance of His Divine Force.

Om 

tasmai śrīgurave namaḥ |

The Gift of Silence

Embracing Silence Retreat Ahymsin Switzerland

Swiss-Silence-Retreat

On May 11th, a group of 15 people from five different countries gathered in the heart of the Swiss mountains at Schweibenalp, Centre of Unity, for a week-long Silence Retreat guided with by Michael Kissener and John Sellinger. Perched on a sunny plateau at 1,200 metres, the retreat centre is embraced by an awe-inspiring panorama of majestic mountain peaks. As a centre for permaculture, founded as an ashram four decades ago by a disciple of Haidakhan Babaji, Schweibenalp carries a history of spiritual unity. It was also the residence of Ammaji (Mata Amritanandamayyi Devi) for nine years. Although Schweibenalp no longer functions as an ashram in the conventional sense, its all-embracing energy remained palpable, especially in the Temple of Unity, where statues and relics from all major religions reminded us of Swami Veda’s ashram in India, SRSG, and his vision of meditation as a unifying stream across faiths.

Arrival and Opening

Swiss-Silence-Retreat

On the first evening, following an opening circle and a guided meditation, we gently entered into silence, welcomed by the peaceful surroundings. Michael and John thoughtfully designed a schedule with special emphasis on īśvara-praṇidhāna (practice of the presence of the Divine), providing ample space for personal practice. For the first few days, we were gently guided with inspirational sessions and meditative practices. The sessions highlighted how mantra practice in itself is a pure path of īśvara-praṇidhāna. Guided practices served as paths into that experience, by inviting the presence of the Guru force, dedicating one’s personality as a temple, offering body, prana and mind as a dwelling place of the Divine, by refined stages in mantra japa, and by way of Atma-tattva-avalokanam, awareness of the Conscious Self.

 

Practices and Guidance

The landscape, newly awakened from winter and bursting into full bloom, beautifully supported the practice of silence. Walks in the permaculture gardens and contemplative walking offered moments of reflection. As the week progressed, the sunshine gave way to rain and occasional snow, prompting us to turn inward and embrace the deepening silence. Guidance without words gradually expanded, and the group was gently supported throughout.

Reflections and Closing

Swiss-Silence-Retreat

On the last day, after a final meditation guided by Michael, we arranged ourselves in a circle, surrounded by an atmosphere of peace and loving kindness. The silence was slowly broken, and we shared our experiences with warmth and gratitude. Each participant contributed to the supportive atmosphere, making the silence feel less solitary and more communal. It was a privilege to share this journey with such a compassionate group. Many expressed appreciation for the guides, the practices, and the serene environment. The presence of the Guru was strongly felt, and the sense of unity was unmistakable.

Presently we are preparing for the next Silence Retreat, which will be held in October 2027. If you would like more information about our upcoming events and initiatives, please contact us via ahymsinch@gmail.com.  Soon we will have our own website ahymsin.ch and you can follow our activities on facebook as well as Instagram.

New HYT-TTP Website and online student/mentor platform

Dear friends of the AHYMSIN Himalayan Family,

The HYT-TTP team would like to wish you all wonderful insights, depth of practices and studies on the occasion of this year’s Guru Purnima celebrations.

Over two decades ago, Swami Veda envisioned AHYMSIN, a global family with its headquarters based in Rishikesh India, that would provide the way for sharing the teachings of the Himalayan Tradition, exploring all aspects of its practices.

One of those global family elements was a convenient way for all centers to have their local teachers trained in the Teachers Training program-started in the 1990’s through the Himalayan Yoga Tradition – Teacher Training Program (HYT-TTP).

Around that time period, was also the beginning of many of the now common electronic forms of communication that could allow people half a world away to share knowledge and communicate in real time.

The HYT-TTP launched its first website in 2008, using the tools available at that time period, in order for students to continue their training remotely from home, working with a mentor on their home study, after they had attended an intensive teacher training retreat based in a traditional ashram setting.

Over the last two years, the HYT-TTP team has been working very intensely to update and refresh the interactive student/mentor platform, putting into play modern tools to continue to support the Teachers Training program into the next few decades.

With the blessings of the Tradition, this new revamped website (http://himalayanyogatradition.org/) and up to date platform will be launched this year, on the most auspicious occasion of Guru Purnima, continuing the deep roots of the teaching aspects of our tradition.

TTP new site 1

TTP New site 2

In addition to this important milestone, we would also like appeal directly to our level one students who have completed their first in-person retreat and who are working on their home study.

If you are a level 1 student and are ready to continue with you level 2 or planning to be ready for the November 2026 retreat, please let us know now by contacting us at info@himlayanyogatradition.com.

We are looking forward to hearing from you and to meet you at one of our upcoming retreats.

In service of the Tradition

Pierre Lefebvre

39 Years of Surya Sadhana

The Unbroken Journey of YMSTT

A Reflection on Devotion, Discipline, and Community (1987–2026)

Surya Sadhana is a profound, energetic spiritual practice dedicated to the Sun. Far beyond a simple physical workout, it is a comprehensive, multi-hour practice combining deliberate physical movement, rhythmic breathing, and specific vocal sounds to awaken vital energy, reduce stress, and restore complete harmony to the mind and body.

The Yoga Meditation Society of Trinidad and Tobago (YMSTT) has preserved this unbroken tradition since its conception in 1987. The year 2026 marks the 39th annual cycle of this foundational spiritual practice.

THE 13 WEEK SADHANA TIMELINE

Weeks 1 – 12 Week 13
12 Consecutive Sundays Final Culmination
Starts post Makar Sankranti Vedic Pooja
24 pairs of Surya Namaskars Havan (Fire Ceremony)
Strict discipline and fasting Purnahuti (Final offering)

The Origin

The journey of this unbroken Surya Sadhana practice began with a pivotal trip in 1986, when Alexander Benjamin (affectionately known as Alex Bhai) led a group of devotees to the Himalayan Institute in Pennsylvania, USA. Deeply inspired by the spiritual experience there, Alex Bhai returned with a vision to bring this practice to Trinidad and Tobago.

Acting on a personal request from Alex Bhai, Pandit Rajmani Tigunait officially established the structural framework for the community. He provided both a written script and a voice recording to precisely guide the students through the sacred steps. This preparation culminated in January 1987, when the first public sessions of the Surya Sadhana were launched at the Penal Hindu Mandir.

Practice and Discipline

In its original form, this intense session started at 6:00 AM and took approximately three hours to complete. It consisted of 24 pairs of Surya Namaskars woven together with sacred mantras prescribed by Pandit Rajmani. The number 24 holds profound spiritual significance, aligning the practitioner’s energetic body with the 24 solar cycles of the year and the 24 hours of the day.

To deeply purify the physical body and forge mental willpower, early practitioners observed a strict, rigorous discipline:

  • Fasting: On the day of the practice, participants observed a 24-hour fast with one meal of any type of grain, which was usually taken in the evening.
  • Ingredient Purity: The dedicated meal was prepared with absolutely no sugar and no salt.

This intense sadhana takes place over 12 consecutive Sundays, beginning on the first Sunday after Makar Sankranti (the transition of the sun into Capricorn, marking the end of the winter solstice period). The entire spiritual journey culminates on the 13th Sunday with a grand Vedic Pooja, a sacred havan (fire ceremony), and a purnahuti (final offering). To preserve this knowledge, a dedicated instructional book was compiled and printed in 1990, with a revised edition published in 2014.

Evolution, Expansion, and Adaptability

Over the past four decades, YMSTT has dynamically adapted the practice to meet the changing needs of its growing community:

Community & Venue Expansion

  • A Resilient Fellowship: Founded with approximately 50 participants, the practice has weathered the natural cycles of life with grace. While we have deeply mourned the transition of three beloved elders and acknowledged those who could no longer attend due to age, the sacred fire has never dimmed. New participants have consistently joined our ranks over the years, sustaining a dynamic core fellowship of 25 to 30 participants annually.
  • Decentralized Venues: In 1996, we opened a second venue in Endeavour, Chaguanas. Just one year later, operations shifted to the prominent Divali Nagar site, which became our primary home by 2000. In 2015, we further decentralized our presence by establishing a new venue in Siparia upon completing the ground floor of the YMSTT headquarters.
  • The Siparia Sanctuary (2026): Making a historic milestone for our 39th year, the 2026 closing ceremony was conducted at the newly consecrated Pooja Shala at our headquarters and retreat center in Siparia.

Physical & Spiritual Adjustments

  • Asana Evolution: The practice was upgraded to 108 Surya Namaskars during 1994 and 1995, before safely reverting to the foundational, sustainable 24 pairs in 1996.
  • Spiritual Upgrades: Following consultations between Alex Bhai and Swami Veda Bharati, in 2010, powerful additions were introduced into the sadhana, including the 120 names of Surya Deva.
  • Sadhana Refinement: In 2019, a senior student consulted Pandit Rajmani about further procedural updates. Panditji advised that a simplified Purnahuti (final fire offering) would suffice, which has remained the standard closing protocol. ### Critique of the Passage

Leadership & Resilience

  • Guidance: Alex Bhai faithfully led the sessions for approximately 30 years, after which senior students stepped forward to sustain leadership. Pandit Dabral conducted the sacred Poojas until 2009. Local pundits filled the role until Pandit Dabral’s return in 2026.
  • Sustaining the Sacred Fire: The single disruption to public gatherings occurred in 2020 due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Public assemblies were suspended after week four; however, dedicated students maintained their vows and completed the remaining eight weeks safely at home.

Looking to the Future

As this rich spiritual tradition continues to flourish, a new dawn of transformation is on the horizon. Pandit Dabral has shared early thoughts on potentially fine-tuning our practice layout for 2027. This evolution aims to guide the next generation of practitioners into a new era of mental clarity, holistic wellness, and spiritual focus.


Author Notes:

Gopaul Datto (b. 1955) is a senior practitioner of the Himalayan Tradition. Initiated in 1986 by Pandit Rajmani Tigunait at the Himalayan Institute in Pennsylvania, he has dedicated nearly four decades to rigorous sadhana. Notably, Gopaul has successfully completed all 39 consecutive years of Surya Sadhana since its inception in 1987. A prominent figure in the national yoga community, he served three terms as President and two terms as Treasurer of the Yoga Meditation Society of Trinidad and Tobago (YMSTT). His commitment to the lineage is further evidenced by his returns to the spiritual source at the Swami Rama Sadhaka Grama in Rishikesh in 2007, 2011, and 2013. Now retired from secular professional life, he continues to focus on spiritual practice and favorite hobbies—growing bonsai and kitchen gardening.

Challenging People As Teachers

My brother-disciple Stoma Parker—you may know him—told me something that stuck with me. One day, in a conversation, I mentioned a person I find difficult to be around and have tended to avoid. Stoma told me that he does the opposite. He spends time with this person. He said it’s good practice for him—it helps him learn not to react or get upset.

When Stoma first told me that, I hadn’t yet acquired the strength of will to understand it. But I think I’m getting a little stronger now.

For example, I know a woman who can really upset me very fast — I can just blow up at her. The last time I did, I said some unpleasant things and she was very upset, and I deeply regretted it. So now I’m really working hard, when I talk to her, to not react. I think I’m doing a little better. Not mastery — but a little bit better.

Every challenge in life can be used in this way. As Swami Rama said — use every circumstance for grist for the mill.

Stay Within Your Capacity — But Push the Edge

This doesn’t mean we should stay around people who are abusive beyond our capacity to protect ourselves. You don’t want to get hurt, or hurt them. But here is something to consider. If you can open the door just a little bit, now and then, in a controlled way, over time you may slowly grow. Don’t throw the door wide open — then you get overwhelmed, you have to run away, and it serves no purpose. But a little bit, under controlled conditions, and over time you may gain confidence that you can handle it and become less reactive.

It’s like hatha yoga. You come up toward your limit, but you stay just beneath it, maybe 80%. If you stay at 20% of your capacity, you won’t progress. By pushing toward your limit, over time your limit will increase, and you can go a little more.

I know someone with Parkinson’s, and her memory has been affected by the disease. She walks into a room and doesn’t have a clue what to do. Those of us with intact memories don’t realize how much memory quietly does for us. At first it was very hard for me — I kept thinking, What do you mean you don’t know what to do? It took me months to even begin learning that she truly didn’t know. She was not trying to make life difficult. I’ve still got a long way to go but am in process.

So be gentle with yourself. But keep pushing that edge a little. Over time, the limit grows.

Boundaries Are Yours — Not Theirs

One thing worth saying clearly: when we talk about staying in relationship with difficult people, we are not talking about expecting them to change. We are not talking about expecting them to honor our boundaries. Your boundaries are yours. You set them for yourself, for your own emotional sanity — not because the other person is going to respect them. That distinction matters.

There are some people we may genuinely need to step back from, at least for a time. There is wisdom in that too. The question is whether we are stepping back because it is truly beyond our current capacity, or whether we are simply avoiding the discomfort of practice. Slowly, carefully, we can learn to tell the difference.

The Dog and God

Swami Hari was always joking. He once talked about the words dog and God. They are the same letters, just reversed. Like a dog seeks out unpleasant things to repeatedly sniff, so the mind tends to think of unpleasant experiences to repeatedly review. But when the mind obsessively thinks of the same painful situation, you get an emotional problem. If, instead, you can put your mind on a leash, and restrain it from going back to that painful circumstance for the thousandth time, you will have more peace in your life.

The mind that is pulled around by every difficult person, every upsetting encounter, every slight and threat — that same mind, trained through practice, can become something else.

We keep growing stronger. Eventually, we can come to the point where we can hold the mind still. And then we can go through life without being dragged here and there by all the different attractants. In that stillness and silence, you may find God.