Author: Mandala

Skype Talk with Nina Johnson at The Meditation Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota, USA – 12 Oct0ber 2017.

In 1971 I was teaching hatha yoga at the YMCA in Milwaukee. I heard that a Swami was coming to town, and that he could initiate people, so I went to him. He gave a talk, and I thought, “Well, he didn’t say anything that I didn’t already know.” Later on, a friend took me to him, and he initiated me. It was July 22, 1971, at 1:30 pm. After the initiation, we talked, and I said, “I’d like to ask you some questions about Jesus.” I was born in Kentucky and was raised as a Southern Baptist, and I had talked to a lot of ministers and priests about Jesus, but they had no knowledge about the things I wanted to know. Swami Rama answered all my questions, and afterwards, he said, “Now I want something from YOU. I want you to open a yoga center for me.” “No, I can’t do that,” I said, and I got up to leave. He was sitting cross-legged, but when I got to the door, he was already there, blocking me. He would not take no for an answer. “I am your master,” he said. “You must open a yoga center.” I thought, “Well, I’ll say ‘yes,’ because it’s the only way I’ll get out of here.”

When I got home, my husband asked me about what happened. I told my husband that Swami Rama had answered all my questions about Jesus. “How do you know he’s right?” he asked. The Beatles had gone to see Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, and there was also a young spiritual teacher in the USA called Maharaji, and people were skeptical. I said, “Of course he’s right. He’s a yogi.”

Later Swami Rama gave another talk to a large group in Milwaukee and announced, “I am going to open up a yoga center here in Milwaukee which will be led by a wonderful teacher.” I was relieved when I heard him say that, and I was looking forward to knowing who the wonderful teacher was going to be. Then he said, “The teacher is Nina Johnson. Stand up, Nina.”

Swami Rama had founded the Himalayan Institute in Glenview, Illinois, which was a suburb a little north of Chicago. The Glenview center was run by Ann Alyward. She was going through the files to find names and addresses, and my card fell out onto the floor, so Swami Rama had my name and address. Swami Rama said to Ann, “That’s the one; call her.”

So I started a yoga center in Milwaukee, but I did nothing. Truly. The center always ran itself, and I’m glad it was that way. I never really felt that I did anything. There was a time when Gary Evers said to me, “We can’t pay the rent.” I said, “Tonight I’ll give you the money for the rent.” I had a lot to do a lot that day. I had to go shopping for groceries and take care of my kids, and then go to the bank. When I got back to the center, Gary said, “We just got a check in the mail for more than we need.” This kind of thing was par for the course at Milwaukee.

I live in Malethi, India, for a good part of the year. Here I am now back in the United States, with all the conveniences of lights and hot water and so forth. Swami Rama said to me, “America is a wonderful place to live, but a terrible place to die.” It’s not Windsor Castle in India. One morning it was very cold, and I was taking a shower and was all soapy, and the shower stopped, and I slipped and fell. That kind of thing is not pleasant. Neither are the bugs. But there’s a certain feeling in India that you can’t get here in the United States.

Swami Rama had told me that after my husband and mother died, to come to India and be with him, and I did that. In 2005 my husband died, and after that I started going to India regularly. In 2006 I had a vision of a being at a railway station in India, totally surrounded by Indians. And one of the Indians I immediately knew was my husband. I saw him, and I knew that reincarnation was really true. I came up to him and said, “Oh Bud! I miss you. I love you.” “What was THAT all about?” I asked myself afterwards. During the time the vision lasted there was nothing but pure joy! I had painful scoliosis in my back, but at that time there was absolutely no pain. “Well,” I said to myself, “I met Swami Rama in 1971, and he guided me, and now I am totally hooked.”

So now I’m dying to die. My mother lived to be 107. I was with her at the end, like a nurse holding her hand. And I remembered a poem by Kabir about not being afraid of death.

[Nina did not name the poem or recite it, but one of Swami Veda’s favorite passages from Kabir was:
“When you were born in this world, you cried and everyone else laughed.
Live such a life, so that when you die, YOU laugh and everyone else cries.”]

And Swami Rama often said, “Death is not a period, it is just a comma, a brief pause.”

There was a retreat at Green Lake, and everyone gathered around Swami Rama at the end, and I intruded, as if to show him that I was there when he was about to leave. He said, “We don’t say goodbye in our tradition. We’re always together.” I’m originally from Kentucky and in the winter, it freezes, and we have to wait until spring. So there’s a saying, “We’ll see you in the spring if the good Lord’s willing and the creek don’t rise.”

I once asked Swami Rama a question about my dog. When I meditated I had a little dog who only weighed about six pounds, and he used to want to come into the room when I was meditating. I told Swami Rama about that, and he said, “Sure.” And the dog would stay with me and look at me while I said my mantra.
I’m glad Swami Rama knew about my meditations. I just meditate the best I can. I just did the practice even though I was rotten at it. I love my practice now, and it just keeps getting better and better and better.  Swamiji used to say, “All the religions are good, but they’re not complete.” What we’re working toward in our practice is Eternity, but of course, there’s karma.

Set some time every day to be with God and keep at it. Right off the bat, nothing happens, but it will happen.

One day my son ran to me shouting, “Your Center’s on fire.” The fire trucks came and eventually the fire was extinguished, but there were ashes all over and the carpet and the draperies were burned. At the Center there was a picture of Swami Rama. Everything around that picture was burned, the frame and everything, but the picture itself was untouched by fire. We still have that picture with frame that all charred around the edge at the altar.

Nina’s response to a question from the audience about what is life is like for her when she goes to India and stays at Malethi

Malethi is about an eight-hour drive from Delhi. It is always cold in the winter, but we have little heaters, and in the hot summer there is air conditioning. When I get up in the morning, I do hatha in bed with Swami Rama’s “Exercise without Movement” series. I have a small room with a chair and a coffee table. All that I own I can put in two suitcases. Swamiji said, “The things of the world are yours to enjoy but not to claim.”2 Negi the cook makes breakfast about 8:00. Then I go for a walk and then write in my journal. One time I was cutting up a tomato and found little white worms. I decided not to eat that tomato. There is a time in the afternoon when I have tilk.3 Tilk was a favorite drink of Swami Rama. I try to walk in the evenings. I do the laundry – light stuff. Ginny does the heavy things. There are marble floors and I sweep them, but outside there’s a dirt road, and the when a car goes by there’s a cloud of dust, and so dust from the road always gets in. Why not cement the road? Swamiji said that the roadway would collapse. I sit and do japa in my room. It’s the happiest time of my life. I was happy when I got out of school, and I was happy to be married, and I was happy to have children, but there’s nothing like the joy of meditation. Jesus said, “I stand at the door and knock,” but he did not say how many times you needed to knock on the door. I want to speed it up a little, but if not now, I know it’s coming.

Mayanne Krech

Mayanne Krech said this about Nina after the Skype: “She is a true devotee, and everything Swami Rama told her to do, she did. He said to her, ‘After your husband and mother die, you will come to see me in India.’ In her room at Malethi, there is just a bed, a table, a chair and small kitchen. She started going to Malethi when she was in her 80s – about 14 hours direct flying time from Chicago to Delhi and then an 8 hour drive to Malethi. Imagine the stamina and commitment to do that when you are 80+ years of age, now 92. Swami Rama wrote 93 letters to Nina, some of which will be published in an upcoming book. Lucky for Nina that Swami Rama told her directly what to do but it does not matter if the guru’s teaching is not direct; the teaching always comes. Nina called me In Minneapolis one day to say, ‘I don’t know why I’m calling you; you know nothing anyway.’ It was a pin-prick from Swami Rama, to keep the tricky ego in check!”

That was in 2001 when Mayanne realized that Nina is also one of her teachers. Nina did regular journal writing and has completed over 60 journals. We hope her entries will be compiled into a book. She’s 92 years of age now and has many, many stories. It’s phenomenal what she has gone through, and Mayanne truly thinks Nina will grab the brass ring of enlightenment in this life because of Nina’s life time devotion and commitment to Swami Rama. Nina does her meditation practice pretty much all day, and all the possessions she has can be put in two suitcases. Nina’s focus is a simple life. Nina says: “If God/Gurudev wants me to fall over and crack my head on the sidewalk right now, so be it.” What Nina has learned is – whatever the Master tells you to do, do it. Swami Veda once told Mayanne in her early years, “Whatever you’re afraid of, just get rid of it.” Mayanne thinks she’s done an acceptable job of that although she didn’t know why she needed to do that. As the years passed, Mayanne could see how Swami Veda knew that she’d be traveling a lot on her own in order to meet Swami Veda at his foreign teaching locations. She needed to not be afraid of being at strange foreign airports and strange places. These are all the trainings on the path. The Master knows your destiny, your dharma. The teachings themselves – enjoy the things of the world, but don’t get attached to them because the time will come when — like the California fires – it will all go. Nina has a spiritual guide at Malethi named Shivrama, and he said to Nina, “As long as you are alive, I will be alive.”

From I Am That: Talks with Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

“How do you go about finding what is it that never sleeps and never wakes, and whose pale reflection is our sense of ‘I’? How do you go about finding anything? By keeping your mind and heart on it. Interest there must be, and steady remembrance. To remember what needs to be remembered is the secret of success.

You come to it only through earnestness.

We discover it by being earnest, by searching, inquiring, questioning daily and hourly, by giving one’s life to the discovery.

[Both qualification and opportunity] come with earnestness. What is supremely important is to be free from contradiction: the goal and the way must not be on different levels; life and light must not quarrel; behavior must not betray belief. Call it honesty, integrity, wholeness; you must not go back, undo, uproot, abandon the conquered ground. Tenacity of purpose and honesty in pursuit will bring you to your goal. All will come to you as you go on. Take the first step first. All blessings come from within. Turn within.

Though it may seem arduous, it is easy if you are earnest. And it is quite impossible if you are not.

Earnestness is both necessary and sufficient. Everything yields to earnestness.

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Footnotes:

1) Some background material about Malethi. Nina was very close to Swami Rama and also Swami Rama’s disciple, Swami Hariharinanda. Both of them were born in a small village in the Himalayas called Toli. Nearby is Malethi, where Swami Hari founded a polytechnical school. This is where Nina has gone every year since 2006 in order to immerse herself in meditation. In 2008 Daniel Hertz wrote a book about Swami Hariharinanda and in the last chapter was a summary of Swami Hari’s work to build the school:
“Malethi is a one hour drive from Toli, and the school he built there he called SRIVERM (Swami Rama Institute of Vocational Education & Research, Malethi). I was told this school is the biggest building ever built in the Himalayas. It serves the people of the poor mountain communities who had little access to quality education and training before that. This was a multi-million dollar undertaking that took several years to complete. Even though his health deteriorated more and more each year, he would not let go of the goal of building this institute. It opened for classes in 2005 and served over one hundred students at that time, with room for many more. In one section there is a program for small children who are starting their school careers. In another there is a program for young adults who want vocational training in areas such as plumbing, electricity, and computers. There are also many other plans in the works. He continued working on that project until his last breath. When I visited SRIVERM in 2006, I finally started to understand his vision for the project and what a great thing he had done. It was located in the valley of a beautiful mountain setting and gave the people in that area the most important thing he could have given them – hope.”

2) “What you will not renounce voluntarily will be taken from you perforce.” (Swami Veda Bharati)

3) Spiced Tilk (or Chai) – Pour and inch of water into a pot along with 8 black pepper corns, the seeds from one cardamom pod; a broken-up stick of cinnamon, a grated ½ inch piece of ginger root, and 1 clove. Bring water to a boil, and let it boil down to ½ inch.  Pour in a quart of milk and let it to come to a boil again. Turn off the heat, and put in 5 teaspoons of loose tea. Cover, and let it steep for 10 minutes. Strain and serve.

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Editor’s Note:

Nina Johnson is the founder and Director Emeritus of the Himalayan Yoga Meditation Center, formerly called The Yoga Society, in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA.  Nina has been teaching classes in Milwaukee for over 40 years. With the blessings of her guru H.H. Sri Swami Rama, and with her own natural compassion, determination, and practical, down-to-earth style, Nina has trained and initiated hundreds of students in the practice of hatha yoga and meditation.

The Early Years

I met Dr. Usharbudh Arya, later known as Swami Veda Bharati, in Minneapolis in 1970 after a year in Europe seeking and not finding. He had been initiated into a higher state by his master months earlier. In 1971 Swami Rama came back to Minneapolis and met with Dr. Arya’s students. He was a mountain of a man. For the first 5 years, there was satsang nearly every evening with Dr. Arya, who was himself a full time seeker, father, husband, university professor, and guide.

We were a close knit if diverse group, from Catholic priests to atheists. We came from every walk of life. The Arya family opened their hearts and their home to us. We were given a full immersion experience in classic yoga, an age old tradition of studying in the teacher’s home.

From that day to this it has been an incredibly profound experience. We learned so much from him and from one another. I had come from a sheltered suburban upbringing into a world of people of different languages, religions, ethnicities with careers that ranged from bus driver to distinguished professor, from rock ‘n roll wannabes to real munis.

The attic of the Arya family home was our first ashram, but we didn’t know it. Dr. Arya ingrained in us a feeling and a commitment that we were one big loving family. Some of the spiritual children and grandchildren of Swami Veda and Swami Rama sometimes come to Swami Rama Sadhaka Grama (SRSG). Those early years in the yellow house not far from the Mississippi River are still alive.

And there are many new faces.

Some would have the good fortune to live at one of the ashrams founded by Swami Rama or Swami Veda. The Himalayan International Institute of Yoga Science and Philosophy was founded by Swami Rama and Sadhana Mandir was also.

Swami Veda founded The Meditation Center in Minneapolis, but there was only room for a few residents. Swami Rama Sadhaka Grama (SRSG) was built in 2002. This was where many of Swami Veda’s students came to study with him, especially the last few years of his life when his body was too fragile for travel.

Swami Veda left the body in 2015. He named Swami Ritavan Bharati as his successor. Swami Ritavan carries with him the discipline, commitment and light of a strong teacher. He is firm in his resolve to maintain a traditional ashram with residents who are willing and able to follow the ashram schedules from 5 a.m. prayers to dedicated practices that include hatha yoga, an hour of meditation at a set time every morning and evening and karma yoga, i.e. your assigned work. I have felt his love and prayers, and my own practice has benefited from sitting with him, and I believe that though Swami Rama and Swami Veda are no longer in their physical form, a sacred presence abides.

The Himalayan Institute

From the first time I heard about the Himalayan Institute in Honesdale, Pennsylvania, I wanted to live there. Many of us came wanting to change ourselves and the world. We dived into ashram life and sometimes, just as eagerly, clutched at old habits from which we were running.

4 Fountains

We learned to observe our impulses and habits. Swami Rama talked about 4 fountains —food, sleep, sex, and self-preservation. Many of our moment to moment decisions were influenced by what he sometimes called these “primitive urges.” If you could control one of these urges, the others might also be brought under your control—not by forcing, but by doing particular practices on a regular basis. In this way, you could create a life more in tune with your long term objectives rather than be held hostage by habits that held you back.

I learned to simplify my diet. I eliminated sweets and wheat and ate less dairy for two years. My asthma disappeared; prayer and work became more important to me.

For most of my life, I had subconsciously lived in anticipation of the next treat. Food was a recreational activity instead of a form of nourishment. It was not as if I did not enjoy food any more. I did. But I no longer ate between meals or after an early dinner. And contentment came into play.

For dinner, it was sometimes a cup of soup or non-caffeinated, nonsweetened  chai. Sometimes I chose to use that precious time for meditation instead. I learned that with my particular body I did not need a lot of food. It’s not the same for everyone so take care. With my food impulses gradually coming under control, some of my other impulses had less of a hold on me. My sleep needs gradually diminished. I now had more time in my day. But sometimes I slipped back into old habits. Sometimes the slips lasted a day, sometimes years.

Rhythms

In Swami Rama’s US ashram, with food needs reduced and a lighter body, I took pleasure in simple routines that formed a sort of daily rhythm. These were:

• a fixed daily meditation time
• several short sittings throughout the day
• sanctifying mundane chores with silent prayer
• moderation in eating
• hatha yoga once or twice a day
• jogging, walking
• alternate nostril breathing and other pranayama (breathing) practices

Swami Veda, Swami Rama, and the medical staff at the Institute gave individuals other practices as well. To conquer stupor, eat less and early—not after 7pm—and exercise more. For emotional balance, without judging, get to know your habits of mind, breath and body in a nonjudgmental fashion so that change can follow with less resistances. Breath awareness helps. For obstacles like negative thinking, application of the equal and opposite thought. If you were having difficulty with someone, you might want to leave an anonymous gift or secretly wish them well or ponder their finer traits when your mind went the wrong way and then not talk about it or you might have to deal more with your own pride and self righteousness.

My food compulsions lessened and the frequency of practice helped. Before meals and instead of tea time, I would often go to my room and do a short meditation or breathing practice.

At this point in my life, I cook for myself and do all my own laundry and cleaning. I seem to have gotten slower and it has become difficult to keep the ashram schedule. Time has always been an issue for me, but it has become increasingly challenging in the last few years.

Facing Difficulties

Name your biggest secret or your favorite habit. It was all up for grabs. What didn’t bubble up from the unconscious mind with the help of intensive practices that an ashram can provide —easily found its way into broad daylight. Swami Rama was there, brimming with joy and mystery. He might proclaim your secret at breakfast or at tennis between volleys or afterwards when he sat down on the grass with us. There was always prasad after he played tennis— cookies and candies all around. The children would come for hugs. I kept away from the sweets.

Once in the dining room, Swami Rama stood behind a very discrete young woman and announced to everyone that she was in love with Dick. She was, but even Dick had not known. She turned several shades of red, but recovered enough to eventually marry Dick. Theirs is a wonderful family, one of the cornerstones of the community.

Jogging

Swami Rama strongly encouraged jogging and walking up the steep hill at the Himalayan Institute. After tennis, there was always instruction, spoken or otherwise. Twice my jogging practice had fallen by the wayside, and Swami Rama told Sewa to go jogging with me every morning. He also would frequently come into the dining hall and tell us to partner with others for jogging. He said that way when one person doesn’t want to jog the friend will get them to keep at it. After a month or so of 5 a.m. jogs with Sewa, I was ready and committed to jog on my own again. After my initial resistance to it, jogging became an important teacher for me. It had a terrific way of bringing my mental resistances front and center, and before the run was over, their release. Sometimes when I didn’t want to jog, I would mentally say “this one is for Debbie (my niece who was sick)” or this one is for my mother or my father or someone I loved or someone I avoided. Strong aversions and attractions got closer to neutral.

Unfortunately arthritis came later in life, but I don’t think it was the jogging that did it. There had been a number of hard falls on my knees when I was younger. Also once I injured myself by running out the door without first warming up the limbs, which had been my habit. Last, I am sad to say, at a certain time in my life I meditated an hour in the full lotus pose each day. Swami Rama had warned us not to meditate in this pose, but I didn’t listen. I had worked long and hard to attain the pose and it felt comfortable. I ignored his advice.

We Received a lot of Help

Swami Rama would also on occasion perch at the double doors of the dining room and peer in mischievously. My 8-year-old son was going through a growth spurt and always took about 5 times more food than he could eat!

I pleaded with him just to take a small amount and go back for more if he wanted. But nothing could persuade him. Then one day, Swami Rama appeared at breakfast. He came straight to our table, pointed to my son’s plate and said “Eat that.” My son never did that again. He was so sick and so late for school that day. It took a long time for that tall, skinny fellow to eat that mountain of food.

Swami Rama Sadhaka Grama

Decades passed, and I had settled back into life in the world. The support network of regular meditation, yoga, exercise and wholesome foods was gone. I was in Boston working in a full time librarian job as well as part time at a public library and 2 university libraries. I had ½ day off a week. Then I moved to SRSG in Rishikesh.

Flow

The steady rhythms of ashram life give way to an unbroken flow. The ground you stand on has roots above and below.

Change your Mind

Swami Veda called it emotional purification. It took me a long time to get it. I still doubted that it was possible to change entrenched habits of thinking, feeling and speaking. It took years to move an inch. It has been well worth it.

Necessity, the Mother of invention

Wherever you go there you are. This saying has been attributed to Confucius. Dr. Whitacre, later Swami Nijananda, once said “You may like me. You may not like me. It is none of my business.”

In the world of Love All. Exclude None, I was inevitably confronted with challenges to my core. But then, the core shifted.

How did this happen? Swami Veda gave various practices to strengthen the resolve of loving. The heart is a muscle and not just in its physical sense.

Forgiveness

There is a Forgiveness Day in the Jaina religion. Swami Veda was not Jaina. As a monk, he belonged to no one and everyone. The entire world was his family. Those of us who lived with him aspired to that ideal, even those of us who were not renunciates. Living in an ashram asks for a certain amount of renunciation. What you own, owns you.

Swami Veda sent us all a note that Forgiveness Day was coming. He asked us to keep the sanctity of that day and the days leading up to it in the depths of our hearts.

Gratitude

We were asked to keep gratitude diaries. This meant at least one entry a day every day for a very long time of something you were grateful for. This is a practice I still would like to sustain. From what others have said, it is a fine antidote to worry, fear, depression and other maladies in what passes for mind.

The Challenges

Like any social milieu, living together, we inevitably bumped up against each other on occasion, despite all furtive attempts at harmony and holiness. Even among Americans, there was the New York financier, the Dallas lawyer, the painter, the professor, and the back woods farmer. It was a tremendously rich social environment. There were opportunities for growth.

Each of us had our own challenges. By and large, I believe that most of us wanted to create a sanctum sanctorum within and without. This happened variably in leaps and bounds and in baby steps. You might also fall flat on your face in the mud, so to speak. And then you got up again.

Faith, fear, and freedom in the face of mortality

Throughout my life, I hankered to meet true mystics—those very few who neither laid claim to nor profited from miracles. Yet, miracles seemed to abound around them like wildflowers along country roads. Having relinquished all possessions, they were paupers, but nevertheless walked like kings who owned the place! We had the good fortune of having one of them stay with us for a few days. All he ate his entire life was boiled rice and vegetables meshed together without salt. For a lover of food like me, the absolute control over one’s palate was no less a miracle. I asked him whether he ever missed having meat. He said his stomach was not a graveyard to bury dead animals! Past seventy, he did not look a day over forty!

India has many saints who have spiritually evolved far beyond mystics. This is my story of how I met the mysterious One from the Himalayas, the King of Kings.I read his memoire of life among saints and sages in Living with the Himalayan Masters (Swami Rama, Himalayan Institute Press, 1978). Reflecting on the events he described, I realized that what we call miracles often arise from our ignorance. Let me illustrate.

Swami Rama was among a group of young spiritual aspirants following their Master when they came across the flooded Tungbhadra River in South India. Many crocodiles and logs were bobbing in its dangerous currents. The Master said that anyone who could swim across that river was his disciple. Only Swami Rama accepted that challenge and won the rite of passage to discipleship. It was a miracle considering the odds that he survived. But if he knew that his Master had the power to protect him, it wasn’t a miracle to him at all. When good comes out of an event we cannot explain, we call that a miracle.

A test of faith

The health crisis I faced earlier this year pushed me into one of life’s own river of crocodiles. Several miracles were about to unfold. The descent into crisis actually began in the Spring of 1982 when I was struck down by psoriatic arthritis. In severe pain, I started treatment with mainstream medicine but serious side effects forced me to turn to alternative practitioners. With the exception of one homeopath, all of them made tall promises but fell woefully short on delivery. Initially however, when the “remedies” prescribed by this homeopath failed to provide any relief, I began to lose all faith in homeopathy. One day, at the end of my ropes, he said that he will be out of the office for two weeks to attend a series of conferences. During the time he was absent, my condition deteriorated to a point where I seriously considered filing for disability.

When I finally saw him after his return, he tapped two small white pills into my mouth from a vial. Curious, I wanted to know the name of the prescription. He said it is simply known as “S.L.”, which, according to several leading homeopaths at the conference, was a potent remedy for my condition. He said I could take two more pills if I ever needed to.

A miracle happened on my way home. Limping in severe pain and barely able to walk when I went to see him, the pain started to disappear as I was walking. I felt that I could easily run a marathon. Over the next two weeks, all psoriasis patches from my head to toe, started to disappear. What’s more, S.L. had no side effects. The euphoria lasted for about two years. One day, while on a trip to Kolkata, India, I felt the pain coming back in my wrists. I immediately fixed an appointment with a renowned local homeopath. When I recounted that the American doctor had prescribed “S.L.”, he laughed out loud. Perplexed, I asked him why he was laughing. “S.L. stands for sugar lac—a placebo. But your mind convinced your body that you had just received a potent cure. The relief you obtained was a classic example of the power of the mind over the body.” He then prescribed a number of homeopathic remedies none of which made any difference in treating my condition. Of course, true to the nature of a placebo, S.L. never worked again either. So, what seemed a miracle was simply the power of my mind convincing my body that it had just received a cure.

The Guru appears

To relieve the pain, I reverted to mainstream medicine and started to read books on yoga and the Himalayan Tradition. When I came to know that Swami Rama, the renowned adept of the tradition, visited the Himalayan Institute in Honesdale, Pennsylvania every summer, I decided to try and see him. When I first met him in the spring of 1988, I was praying that initiation would invoke his Grace and protection. I was a bit taken aback when he wanted to know why I wanted to see him—did I want a promotion at my job? The enlightened ones say most pray for such tinkle and trash. I blurted out saying “What I want they cannot give me……” but got tongue-tied saying “what they can give me, I do not want”. He simply nodded his head. It was just as well that I could not speak a half-truth in his presence. Although I realized the triviality of a promotion in the midst of a health crisis, I nevertheless hankered for more money. A few weeks after I returned home, I received his letter asking me to come to Honesdale.

That was how I became an initiate of the Himalayan Tradition. Each year, the green trees and blooming flowers of Honesdale seemed to welcome me to the Institute. Each visit felt like sweet homecoming. Guruji’s (the suffix “ji” is an honorific that extends respect) boundless love and compassion touched all those who were fortunate enough to meet him. On some evenings, he would lead a small gathering of disciples in singing devotional songs. These were so intensely emotional that tears of joy would flow down my cheeks.

The other highlight of my visits were the private sessions he granted me to discuss spiritual practices. During one of these sessions, as I sat on the floor near his feet, I felt his laser-like gaze pierce my soul. No one had ever looked at me like that before. It was as if he speed-read my entire life, from the first page to the last. He finally snapped out of it and said “There is nothing. Not to worry. You worry uselessly. Leave all your worries to the Divine Mother and to me.” I asked him whether I would ever be cured of psoriatic arthritis. He said “No, but it can be pacified”. In deep gratitude, a spontaneous mantra arose within me “Om Guravay Namaha!” (homage and obeisance to the Guru). Instantly, I saw my innermost thought ricochet across his face. Since then, whenever difficulties arise, I recall his assurance that all will turn out well if I continue my practice with faith and devotion.

Once, he told a group of people gathered to hear him speak “Go to a room and ask yourself, what have I done for someone where my self-interest is not involved? Have you done something? If you have not done any good for anyone selflessly, who is going to guide you when you drop this body and are looking for another one?” That to me represents the essence of religion. I do not need to read or memorize any scriptures.

When I visited the Institute in the summer of 1995, little did I know that I was seeing him for the last time. Just before I took leave of him, he touched the crown of my head (Sahasrara Chakra) but I did not recognize the preciousness of this gift at that time. On November 13, 1996, he dropped his body with full awareness and control, true to the Himalayan tradition and its long lineage of adepts.

Swimming among crocodiles

Towards the middle of 2000, blood tests showed elevated liver enzymes caused by methotrexate, a powerful anti-inflammatory given to cancer patients. I was running out of options. Fortunately, a new line of treatment opened up with the advent of “biologics”. These synthetic medicines were made using living cell cultures (such as hamster ovary cells) rather than in a chemical lab. Faced with progressive joint deterioration, I started self-injecting with the biologic Stelara in the spring of 2004. This medicine better targeted the errant cells involved in psoriatic arthritis. Within six months, both arthritis and the psoriasis reduced noticeably. Unfortunately, the efficacy of Stelara wore off in little more than a year and the disease returned in full force. My rheumatologist then prescribed Humira, a tumor necrosis factor (TNF) blocker that dialed down the body’s immune system. I obtained total relief from psoriatic arthritis for the first time since the placebo-induced remission of 1984. The respite barely lasted two years when my weight started falling from 168 lb. in March 2016 to just 136 lb. by the end of the year.

I consulted a good internist but tests failed to pinpoint the cause of my weight loss and persistent throat infections. Then, in October 2016, I developed a dry hacking cough that continued for four months, accompanied by occasional night sweats, chills, and fatigue. When increasingly potent medicines failed to control the cough, a chest X-ray was ordered even though the one taken in September 2016 was normal. The X-ray and CT-scan of the lungs revealed many small and large nodules. The radiologists opined that the extensive nodules suggested metastatic cancer and not an infection. The internist was at a loss to explain the source of the cancer and immediately referred me to Dr. Halabi, a pulmonologist. I went to see him with a copy of the CT-scan.

After a pensive reflection of the images of my lung nodules for what seemed an eternity, he said: “I know what your radiologists said, but I don’t think this is cancer”. Then, out of an abundance of caution, he stressed that only a biopsy can provide the basis for a firm diagnosis. Nevertheless, Dr. Halabi threw me a lifeline that day quite unaware of the enormity of the moment. His words shall always remain etched in my mind. As I stepped out of his office, I realized that it took immense courage and all of his experience to provide that assurance.

Over the next several weeks, based on tissue cultures gathered through two biopsies of the lung nodules, it was determined that I had TB. I began a standard TB regimen involving a number of antibiotics taken over six months. After completion of the initial phase of TB treatment, a noted dermatologist in Washington DC prescribed Taltz, which has a better safety profile than Humira.

Practicing the Presence

The radiologists’ report of metastatic lung cancer brought me face to face with mortality. The first reaction was the fear of the unknown and having to cut asunder attachments to those near and dear. Death itself is not painful but the fear of death is. Fear arises from what the Buddhists call “grasping” of things and relationships that are quintessentially “empty”. While I understood these concepts intellectually, that did nothing to quell fear and doubt. What if Guruji was wrong, could he really see that far into the future, did I lose his protection? The tussle was always between faith in my Guru and fears brought on by doubt. Yet, in all the darkness, his words rang in my ears. An inner voice reverberated as I found myself struggling in the river of crocodiles— “If you have no faith in your Guru, then such a life is not worth living.”

Simply practicing the presence helped me to face fear and doubt in life’s river of crocodiles. All the world’s major traditions stress its importance. The Bible says “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me” (Psalm 23:4). Thus, did I transcend fear by constantly remembering the mantra Guruji imparted to me at initiation. They were his rod and staff which helped me to cross the river of crocodiles. The scriptures say “Yasya deve para bhaktih yatha deve tatha Gurau” (Svetasvatara Upanisad, 6:23) ¾ one must have the same devotion towards the Guru as one has towards God. Yet, the mark of a true Guru is that he never asks or expects his disciples to worship him. As I practiced the presence and faith gained the upper hand, fear and doubt gradually evaporated like drops of dew before the rising sun.

(Tejaswini served as an assistant to Swami Veda Bharati.)

Lots of people were involved behind the scenes in organizing Swamiji’s travels, and he masterminded it all.

Swamiji’s itinerary round the world usually started around mid-March or April, and he returned to Rishikesh early to mid October. Sometimes he also had to make short trips in winter if it was needed.  He planned his itineraries with great care. He took into account the Centre Leaders’ convenience of hosting him, incorporating any conferences that he was invited to, the travelling teachers’ itineraries, how much time he would have to give in between venues and resting places in between.

At one time, Swamiji put Costa Rica on his itinerary and everyone wondered why Costa Rica as he did not know anyone in Costa Rica. Swamiji did not say exactly why, but he felt something would turn up. A few days before he was setting off from Rishikesh a lady named Eleanor de Tiger came to the ashram, met Swamiji, and invited him to Costa Rica. Then he also found out that Dowlat and Indira Budhram had also moved to Costa Rica. Indira told me recently that Eleanor was searching for a nice home for Swamiji to stay while he was in Costa Rica, and she came to Indira and Dowlat’s place and was very happy. Then they found out to their delight that it was Swami Veda who was coming.

Till 2012 he used to travel on his Indian passport, so visas had to be organized for each country, well in advance. All this work took place together with everything else he continued to do, like overseeing the building of SRSG, inauguration ceremonies, inviting dignitaries, running programmes, having priests come to do big yajnas to purify the grounds, etc. A tremendous amount of work always took place simultaneously, and Swamiji was working with so many different people via email keeping everything connected and reminding anyone who had not done what was asked of them. Swamiji used to say, “We are all links in the work that is being done and when one link breaks the whole chain suffers”. At that time I was not quite aware of the links. Afterwards I realized that there was not one chain of links he was working with, but several chains.

I remember when I had just started travelling in 2001, we were in Holland, and he was dictating emails to many people involved in organizing a trip to Allahabad Kumbha Mela.  So many emails back and forth. That was one link. He was trying to get some uniform kurta pajamas for all the participants of that Kumbha Mela trip. In one email he called the tailors the ‘haute couture’ tailors of Rishikesh and that just made me laugh so much because I had a picture in my mind of Rishikesh tailors designing fashion garments – Swamiji just looked at me and could not understand why it was so funny that I could not stop laughing, and put it down to increased amount of unchannelised energy!

I did two round the world trips with Swamiji. When I asked Swamiji the first time I started travelling what he expected me to do, he said “just tag along” and that is exactly what I have been doing.

Later he arranged for Linda Billau to travel with him in the US and also sometimes to Europe on some important engagements. Linda also worked on arranging his travel tickets, his contacts list which needed to be amended constantly and copied to various people concerned with his travel. She also took care of him in the US. I would mostly do the Europe part and some of the Asian travel.

Swamiji’s persona was so strong and large that one cannot imagine that his body was so weak. He always used to say in his lectures “Don’t make your mind condition your body condition” and I witnessed him living that statement in his day to day life.

People wondered why we needed to carry so much luggage. Swamiji was on the road, or rather in the sky, for six months at a time and sometimes more, so he had to plan for all the destinations and what would be required in terms of clothes for different climates, medicines, suits/shoes/ties that he wore for plane journeys, etc. As I am sure most readers know by now he had a weak heart, having had triple by-pass surgery in the 80s and subsequently two of them were blocked, so he had only one artery working. He was diabetic on insulin. He had some ruptured disks in his lumbar spine, scoliosis of the neck, stomach ulcers due to Helicobacter bacteria, and torn ligaments in his knee joint. He travelled with considerable amount of medicine which needed to last for six months. The medicine packets would be made in the US and India. Some of the medicines were from the US, and pilgrims coming for winter programmes would carry these with them. It required a considerable amount of emails to make sure all the required stocks of medicine were brought from US, and the packets were made up in India by Kushlanand. Some of these packets would be bundled in two week supplies and various Centre Leaders from Europe and the US would take them back and keep them in stock for Swamiji’s arrival.

We normally travelled with two large suitcases and one smaller case for electronic items.  This is check-in luggage. Then there would be one carryon and Swamiji would have his own shoulder bag with his tickets, passport, medicines, credit cards, phone, etc.

The bags would have one packed winter suit for the US, saffron Swami clothes, and undergarments for 6 days, toiletries, medicines, insulin pens that needed to be put in a cool bag (and as soon as we arrived at our destination we would immediately unpack and put the insulin pens in the fridge), blood sugar machine, BP machine, alcohol swabs, needles, etc. The other items that were packed were his medical records and two thick books, Upanishads and Yoga Sutras. He would never travel without them, and sometimes I argued if these were needed because I did not see him referring to them, but he was insistent that they must be packed. He also carried malas, gift items (mostly for children), small crystal shivalings, initiation items, bairagan (the ‘T’ shaped stick that he rested his arms on), small travel hotplate with a container to warm up food or make some tea or hot milk at odd hours.

All the packing was done in Rishikesh by Surendra and Medha. Swamiji would then arrive in London where he would normally have one or two programmes, and then we would travel to Europe.

Swamiji covered the following places in Europe most of the time. Hamburg in Germany, Holland, Florence and La Verna in Italy, Innsbruck in Austria, Budapest in Hungary, Slovakia.

Swamiji ensured that, if the travel assistant was coming to a country for the first time, the hosts organize some time to do site seeing.

Whenever we arrived at our destination, there would be a welcoming party waiting to greet Swamiji, with big smiles and everyone looking so happy and excited to see Swamiji. We always attracted a lot of attention when we arrived, because a few people would gather to greet Swamiji.

A lot of preparation took place by the Centre Leaders before Swamiji’s arrival. In some places, we would stay at the host’s home, like in Germany we stayed in Wolfgang’s home, in Holland we used to stay at Atem’s and Oesha’s home and when they moved, we stayed with Feroze and Razia. In Italy we would stay in Christina’s home, and during retreat in La Verna Christina and Debora would drive us to the retreat centre with all that Swamiji needed for a comfortable stay, including books, linen, etc. In Innsbruck Michael and Nura made sure we were very comfortable in Nura’s house. In Hungary we normally stayed at the Retreat Centre, and I remember Margo didi fondly for she was also there. She lived in Canada, but was originally from Hungary. She made great efforts to make sure that Swamiji was well taken care of in her homeland, helped by Joseph, Anna and Radhika. Geza Timcsak took good care of us in Slovakia.

In all these places so much care was given not only to Swamiji, but also to me, and I truly appreciate to what lengths people went to, to accommodates us and make us feel at home.

I remember in Hungary Swamiji’s lecture was organized in a big hall on the first floor. There was a staircase but no lift. Four strong men very happily lifted Swamiji in his wheelchair all the way up the staircase for the whole week.

These are just a few names I have given, but so much work was done by others. To name a few like Willem who passed away, may his soul rest in peace, the translators (Laura in Italy, Imola in Hungary, Wolfgang in Germany). Kries Manniesing.

In England, Denise and Alex were planning to sell and move from their home. They arranged it in such a way that Swamiji could stay in their home as he needed to rest and stay in a place that had no stairs, was in the countryside and quiet and wheelchair friendly.

In places like Korea, Helen Choe and her husband Dr. Choe accommodated us to stay once in a retreat centre where we slept on Tatami mattresses on the floor. Swamiji was very happy to stay in such a traditional way with elaborately designed bedsheets and pillowcases, quilts, etc. Swamiji admired them so much that Helen organized to bring some for him to Rishikesh. We still use some of the pillows. It was during December, and the weather was quite cold. I remember having a back ache after long travel, etc. Lying on the warm (almost hot) floor was just so wonderful.

At another time they arranged for Swamiji to stay in a traditional hotel with Tatami mattresses.

Once Swamiji arrived at his destination and a room was allocated, he would make his working space and generally stayed there most of the time.  He would eat there, work there, and see people there. He observed silence in the mornings and only broke his silence after his lecture, mostly to talk to people who wished to see him for any reason, talk to teachers. He would do initiations just before his lecture or straight after his lecture.

Food would be brought to him in his room. In some places, like Holland, food is made for him by Indian families, especially Komal’s wife, and they would bring fresh food for the whole day. In Wolfgang’s house his home help, Ashu and Andrea, would be involved in preparing lunch and dinner. Nura and Michael were equipped with a really nice home and made ghee, spices, rice, different daals, vegetables, all organic. I would cook for Swamiji there. In Hungary also shopping was done and I would sometimes cook for Swamiji, sometimes Hungarians brought nice cooked food.

On my first travel, Swamiji slipped a long piece of paper under my door when I was sleeping. When I woke up and saw it, I panicked, thinking ‘when am I going to complete all the tasks set out’. This happened every morning, and I began to enjoy receiving these slips of paper written so sweetly. Sometimes the sweetness evaporated when the tasks were difficult for me!

The routine was waking up in the morning at around 7 am, get ready, and wake Swamiji for his morning medicines. Sometimes he would be awake already, but sometimes one would have to wake him by touching his toes or forehead. One never woke him by calling him. He would check his blood sugar, and if it was low he would take something to eat to raise it. It was still his resting and meditation time, so we tried not to disturb him too much. After massaging his feet one leaves quietly, letting him rest. This was also the time to make sure a fresh set of clothes were laid out to wear.

Then getting on with all the tasks set out in the list. Of course, all did not get completed, and there was always a pending list. This was also a time when the hosts could get in touch if they wanted something conveyed to Swamiji. One would collect any such messages to take back to Swamiji.

If internet was available, one task would be to check all the mails and see if there were any urgent emails that needed a response quickly. Otherwise the emails would be dealt with in the evening when Swamiji settled to do his other work.

One needs to prepare for his lecture by making some fennel tea and pouring into a thermos to take with a cup, making sure the recorder is all set with a fresh battery, take the bairagan, his meditation seat, some glucose tablets, his Upanishads and Yoga Sutras book or any book that he suggests needs to be taken for the lecture. Sometimes there will be questions that people have asked on paper, and these would also be taken as Swamiji replied to questions by answering them in his lecture or afterwards.

During his lecture, one has to be alert to his needs so one sits close by and serves tea whenever needed.
In most places, Swamiji’s lectures were translated by disciples very competently.  Translators who were not disciples also became initiated into the Tradition once they started listening to Swamiji’s lectures.
Unless the Centre Leaders had organized a specific series of lectures, like the Yoga Sutras, generally Swamiji never asked to see the title of his lectures. Once he sat in the hall, he would then ask what the leaders wished him to speak about. He said his preparation was his meditation before he came to speak. Generally he guided a meditation and then gave a lecture.

The travelling assistant is required to stay close by and be on duty at all times. It is a training in endurance. Swamiji tries to increase one’s capacity by giving more tasks. One needs to be vigilant of what is required, how much to talk, when to keep quiet, be aware all the time. One is not always successful in living up to all this. I was always feeling a lack of sleep, and sometimes it would be really hard to wake up early. Swamiji used to say – whoever wants to stay close around me should be prepared to get burnt. He would say you are representing me and my work when you are with me, so your conduct has to reflect that.

Sometimes Swamiji would say, call such and such a person. When he asks to talk to certain people out of the blue, one needs to deal with that kind of request straight away as it invariably is urgent, like some person may be ill, or in some mental anxiety about something, etc. He once explained that while he travels and goes about his work he also scans in his meditations for people asking for help in their prayers. So I learnt that one should not ask too many questions but just do what is asked as he knows best.

One can go on writing so much, because so much happened during these travels. This is a glimpse of some main things that happened.

The day of departure is always anxiety ridden as the re-packing was upper most in my mind. So much took place at the last minute and sometimes Swamiji has received gifts that need to be packed. It always seemed that the items had multiplied, but eventually everything got packed, and I would get strong people to close the suitcases. The last thing always to be packed was the computer. Then suddenly one remembers the insulin that is in the fridge so, of course, one suitcase needs to be opened again. Once we reach the airport and check in one can relax and look forward to a cup of coffee which was a regular ritual with Swamiji in the airport.